Tokyo

After the initial mirth created by an overly aggressive toilet, we set out on our first night in Tokyo.

We found a restaurant and I had ‘sea urchin in a wooden box’. My god it was utterly disgusting. We had warm sake, pointed at pictures and said ‘gozaimas’ to get food, and our heroic linguistic efforts were rewarded with karaoke and all you can drink for 3 hours for £8. Maybe these prices aren’t designed for English consumption. But success! We had found food drink and entertainment.

The next day I walked to the main ballroom in a manner which can best be described as 'meandering'. Then came the speeches. And more speeches. Then in Japanese. Then in English. And on and on and on and on.

Then it finished! Right, more high quality boozing to do now. We ventured out into the streets of Tokyo once more, and dazzled by the bright lights we could think of no better way to pick a restaurant than go with the prettiest Japanese woman who asked us to enter her eatery. Not a euphemism.

I didn’t go for the sea urchin in a box this time, but instead went for deep fried chicken gristle. Results were disappointing.

After eating we took the opportunity to look around a bit more, trying to find a bar maybe. At one point I looked at the entrance to a building with no obvious sign as to what it was, and a scary old woman shouted at me ‘NO SEX! ONLY MASSAGE!’ Have to say I didn’t think I looked like a sex tourist, but there you have it.

Next we found a place called ‘BATTLE ARENA’ with lots of flashing lights and noise so logically had to go inside. After playing mariokart in an arcade for half an hour and spending about £50 trying to get a snoopy doll on a grabbing machine, we hit a whisky bar, and the evening descended into a tribute to decadent revelry as the Great British 'cultural ambassadors' continued to offend most americans we came in contact with. Her majesty would have been proud.

In the next instalment, the cultural ambassadors visit the British Embassy! What delights wait in store...

Pharewell phor now phervent phil phans!